An Average Day As A Host
by TheOtakuKnight
Summary: Rem has been working at the Host Club for quite awhile now and has grown to know about the secret relationship between Hikaru and Kaoru. She gets to witness such beautiful M rated scenes between the two, which influenced her to write these two fanfics. So you can read some sexy stuff. I know. You can thank her later. /shot All jokes aside; Yaoi Forever. Read and Enjoy. :3
1. Chapter 1

**Rated M! These characters and the show don't belong to me! If they did, There would be way more twincest!**

HI! My name is Rem. I'm in the same class as Haruhi, Hikaru, and Kaoru. I'm also in the Host Club! Yes, I'm aware that I'm a girl. But, me joining the Host Club isn't my fault. Its all Kyoya's fault.

He was like, "There are going to be a few changes to the Host Club so pay attention. This club is made up of all boys, with the exception of Haruhi. So why don't we switch things up a bit?'

This, of course, got the Host Club thinking. So they came to the decision to get a girl host. And yes, they chose me. I'm supposed to help Kyoya get more money by handling a bunch of rich, horny boys. (Its as gross as it sounds too.)

You would think that rich people would be more dignified and self- controlled. ( Unless you've actually seen this show...) But I have to deal with rich dudes trying to touch me every 10 seconds. By now, you've either stopped reading or wondered what my act is.

If you're wondering, my act is the "Tomboy" act. It's actually pretty effective. I just have to go home and get cuts and bruises, then come back the next day and complain about it. Then the boys feel sympathy for me, and leave with 20,000 of my modeling magazines in their hands. That simple.

Alright! Now that I've covered that, it's time to tell you my normal day as a host.

**1. Please the "men"**

Me: "Ow~! My leg, it hurts really bad~!"

The 'men': " AWW~~ Rem! Are you alright~?

Me: "Yea. I just went home yesterday and fell off of my skateboard~.

**Que the cute, hurt face!**

**Wait for it!**

The 'men': *nosebleed*

**Yup. Its that simple.**

**2. After host time, make fun of Tamaki.**

Ok, this is how this works. Hikaru and Kaoru use their twin awesomeness to flirt with Haruhi.

She remains an oblivious child, while "daddy"...

Tamaki: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY LITTLE GIRL!

Hikaru: She's not really your little girl.

Kaoru: Yea Boss, get over it.

Me: Hahahaha! The only little girl here is you, Tamaki!

The twins: *laughing their ass off*

Tamaki: *in his sad, little emo corner*

**Well, that was fun!**

**3. Team up with Honey to get Mori to talk.**

Honey: Hey Takashi! What's your favorite type of cake?

Mori: …...

Me: Hey Mori! How long have you been doing martial arts?

Mori: …...

Honey and me: …...

Mori: …...

Me: * sigh* Do you ever talk, Mori?

Mori: Yes.

**SUCCESS!**

**4. Make Kyoya laugh!**

Me: Hey Kyoya! Why'd the chicken cross the road?

Kyoya: *still typing on his laptop* I don't know. Why?

Me: …...Nevermind...Why the hell would a chicken be crossing a road anyways?

**Fail!**

**Try again!**

Me: Wanna hear my impression of Hannah Montana?

Kyoya: *still typing on his laptop* No.

Me: Yea...Me neither...

**Fail!**

**One more time!**

Me: Hey Kyoya...Do you ever laugh...?

Kyoya: *stops typing on his laptop* Why do you ask?

Me: I've been trying to make you laugh all day!

Kyoya: I don't laugh because your jokes suck.

Me: …...

Kyoya: …...

Together: Hahahahahaha!

**Yay! I made him laugh!**

**5. Say bye to the club and go home with the twins to play video games.**

We usually play Lazer Quest, Mario Party, or any other game that pisses us off. We almost always throw the controllers on the ground and stomp away. When that happens, we go to their room and talk.

Well, if you wanna call 'fighting over who actually won ' talking...then yea, we were having a great chat. I usually back off, because the twins tell me its not my fault. Then they "talk" about how it was each other's fault. And it always ends in step 6.

**6. Hikaru and Kaoru having sex. Twincest!**

Alright. So here's the fun part. Let me explain. Remember back in step 2, when I said that the twins were flirting with Haruhi.? That's part of the 'twin awesomeness' I was talking about. They flirt with Haruhi to avoid raising suspicion. Suspicion of what, you might ask?

Suspicion that they are head over heels in love with each other! And I'm the only person that knows about this! **(Aside from you readers...SHHHHHH! Don't tell anyone!)** Ok! So this is how it usually goes down:

Hikaru: You know that I beat you in that last mini game!

Kaoru: No! I jumped on your head on the last second and won!

Me: Guys! Guys! Can't you find a different way to solve this!

**Oh shit. Evil twin smirk. 1 of 2 things is gonna happen.**

**1. They're gonna have sex. Which is good!**

**0r 2: They're gonna try to drag me along for the ride. I usually run for my dear life when that happens.**

**Oh yay! The first one!**

Hikaru pins Kaoru's arms to the bedpost. Kaoru flushes, knowing he lost the battle already.

So like any good uke...

Kaoru: Hika, just fuck me already. **(*insert fangirl squeal here*)**

Hikaru: You got submissive real fast, didn't you Kao~?

Hikaru licked the rim of Kaoru's ear.

Kaoru wrapped his legs around his twin's hip.

Kaoru: But aren't ukes supposed to be submissive, Hika?

Oh damn! Kao's giving that innocent uke look! Knowing Hikaru, he's not gonna waste his time on foreplay anymore...

Hikaru put 3 fingers in front of Kaoru's mouth.

Hikaru: Suck.

Kaoru wasted no time on fulfilling his order.

When Hikaru deemed them as good, he pulled them away from Kaoru's mouth and immediately put 2 in.

**Sheesh. Why 2? That's gotta hurt. And he knows that good and well.**

But Kaoru adjusted to the sudden intrusion and was panting heavily.

Kaoru: O-one more~

Hikaru smirked.

**Oh fuck. That's not good!**

He removed his fingers and replaced it with something...much bigger.

Kaoru writhed in pain. It hurt damnit!

But did Hikaru seem to care.? Nope. As soon as he was fully inside, he started moving.

Kaoru: H-hika! Ah! w-wait!

**Have you figured it out yet? I have! Want me to tell you? Ok, Ok. Since you asked me so nicely! Hikaru's still playing to win. He ain't gonna stop until Kaoru admits that he won! I hope Kao-kun realizes this soon. Or he ain't gonna be walking for awhile.**

**Oh! I think Kaoru's finally figured it out!**

Kaoru: Hik- *moans* Hikaru! I get it! -pants- I get it! You *moans louder* You win ok.?

Hikaru smiled and kissed his younger twin.

They kept at it, until they finally rode out their orgasms.

Hikaru:-panting- So?

**I can tell this question is directed towards me.**

Me: Ya'll 2 go take a shower. I'll help you with your homework when you get out.

**Well, aside from being sexy, I am an honors student. How else do you think I got into Ouran?**

**Ok! That's my everyday life at the Host Club. Not necessarily with the same dialogue, but you get the point.**

**Don't you wish you were in the Host Club too? :D**


	2. Another Chapter!

My writing style changed! Now I seem to write complicated sentences that would make even the smartest man lose any sanity that he might just have. ...See...

Maybe...Just maybe...You -the amazingly awesome reader that is so amazingly awesome that he/she would realize that I'm just trying to kiss up to you to get what I just so happen to want- can tell me if you like my style of writing or not...Maybe.

X33 Okay, Okay. I'll leave you -the amazingly awesome /shot- to read this fanfic. Enjoy!

* * *

Easter! Easter, Easter, Easter! A wondrous time full of pedophile-ish bunnies giving children chocolate eggs and other oddly shaped candies! It's the ideal holiday for anyone! Especially the Ouran High School Host Club!

Okay. Bunny cosplay isn't really the type of thing guys would wear and -thank the Lord who sits in the sky- the Host Club is smart enough to realize this. So instead of a normal day with creepy bunny cosplay and mind scaringly bad memories for everyone, they have decided to throw an Easter celebration! Smart move.

Of course, me being the only girl that doesn't have to crossdress on a daily basis, has to be the only one wearing the bunny outfit that the males and Haruhi can't wear. Yeah...This fucking sucks.

But on the other hand, I do get to go to an amazing party with free food, the gosh damn prettiest boys you've ever seen in your entire life, and tons of free food. Hahaha...redundant much?

Anyway. With that backstory now permanently sealed in the back of your mind, I lead you to the true beginning of this wonderful piece of fanfiction. Hahaha...arrogant much?

Let's begin.

'Haa~ Rem is so beautiful in her bunny cosplay!' One of the horny boys in which I have to entertain sighed.

"I'm glad you think so! Cause this is the last time I'm ever gonna wear it." I smile.

Somehow, I think I damaged the mood a bit. . .

"I'm gonna go get something to drink! I'll be right back!"

"Bye, Rem!" The boys shouted back.

Geez. Could they get anymore stupid? I sigh to myself and pour a cup of whatever the hell this bright pink liquid is into a small wine glass and walk over to where Hikaru and Kaoru are standing.

"Hey, boys! How goes it?"

"It goes good." Kaoru replies.

"You look nice in your outfit~." Hikaru teases.

"Haha- Watch what you say. You might just get your boyfriend here jealous."

Hikaru blushed and took a step back.

"W-Whatever." He scoffed.

POV Change! Change to...One of the girls on the other side of the room!

"Le gasp! Did you see that!?"

"I sure did! Rem just made Hikaru blush!" My BFFL replies back.

"You don't think they're together...Do you?"

"They better not be!" She growls.

"Let's go teach that girl a lesson!"

"Yeah!"

POV Change! Back to me again!

I keep on conversing with my two best buds when some girls start heading over here. They have some evil look in their eyes that seem to say, "Bitch, shit's about to get real!"

I can only hope that I'm reading their expressions wrong. I do that all the time! This times no different. ...Right?

They step even closer.

...Right?

Closer.

...Right?

EVEN CLOSER.

...I should run, shouldn't I?

"Hello there." The tall girl who's POV we switched to says.

"Hello..."

"What might you be talking about?" Her short friend buds in.

"...Should it be of your concern?"

"Well...No." She says, taking a step forward.

And you won't believe the move she makes. She takes a step forward, bright pink liquid in a wineglass in hand, and PURPOSEFULLY "trips" over her dress; sending the mystery drink flying.

I jump out of the way just in time but, unknown to me at the moment I jumped, Kaoru turns back around and- SPLASH!

The room suddenly goes silent, all you can hear is drops of the pink liquid sliding off of Kaoru and hitting the floor.

"OH MY GOODNESS! I'M SO SORRY! I-I TRIPPED!" The girl stutters.

"I-It's alright. I-"

"NO SHE DIDN'T! SHE TOTALLY FAKED THAT!" I dramatically point at her.

Gasp!

"I did not! I would never do such a terrible thing!"

"Well it's obvious that you would!" I shout, turning around quickly.

I walk over to Kaoru and pat his back. "Let's go get you cleaned up. You're coming too, Hikaru."

I look down at my own wine glass. I swing back around and walk back to the girl.

"Oh. By the way-" I toss my drink onto her -used to be- pretty white dress.

I run back over to Hikaru and Kaoru, flipping my middle finger up at her as we walk away.

* * *

In Another Room!:

"Shit. I don't know where any clean clothes are. You get Kaoru cleaned up, I'll go ask Kyouya where the clothes are." I say and dash out the door.

POV SWITCH. I'm no longer in the room, so I'm of no use. But Hikaru is!

I watch as Kaoru begins to remove his wet suit. It's kind of clinging to him due to the fabric now being wet, so he's struggling a little.

"Do you need any help?" I ask.

"I'm fine. The pants are gonna be a pain in the ass to take off though.."

"Then I'll help you with that."

I walk over to him and slid him out the soggy pants. Now only in his boxers, Kaoru blushes, and heads over to the shower. At the door, he stops and turns around.

"W-Will you...Take a shower with me?"

I feel hot. Is it hot in here or is it just me?

"U-Um, Yeah! Sure!"

I carefully take off my suit and lay it on the over sized bed that only a true wealthy person can afford. I walk into the bathroom only to hear the sound of running water. Such a soothing sound.

I open the glass door and step into the steamy shower. Since there's multiple shower heads, it doesn't even matter if I can see Kaoru or not. I'm just at ease with the feeling of the hot water running down my back. I let out a content sigh and drift off into my own little state of, "This feels really fucking good."

I stay like this until I hear Kaoru call out to me from the other side of the shower. (Kyouya's shower takes up about half of the bathroom. Pretty big shower, huh?) I stroll over to him and crouch over.

"You okay?"

"Y-Yeah. I was just wondering if you could wash my back for me...?"

"Seems like you already know the answer to that, seeing as how you're already sitting on the stool with a bottle of soap in your hand." I smirk.

I can't really tell if Kaoru's blushing thanks to all of the steam, but comments like this always get to him, so he most likely is.

I take the bottle of soap from his hand and pop open the top, pouring a good amount of it into my own hand. I then proceed to wash his back. Kaoru let out a sigh and hummed as I messaged him. We both go off into our own little worlds of, "I wish we could stay like this forever."

I lean over a sniff at his neck. Mmm...Smells like strawberries. Good choice on soap, Kyouya.

Kaoru shivers and lets out a whimper.

"D-D-Don't do that!"

"Why not?"

"I-It's...embarrassing..."

I grin, seeing as how this gives me sneaky, inappropriate idea. I remove one hand from Kaoru's back, reach over, and grab hold of his manhood.

Kaoru gasps and almost falls off of the stool.

"H-Hikaru!"

I would pay more attention to his sudden adorableness...but...

"You're already hard..." I mumble.

"I am n-not!"

Kaoru slips through my grasp and turns off the shower...s.

Once the steam clears out and I can see his face clearly, he blushes even harder and looks away.

"It's...because you did something embarrassing..."

I smile. I get up and walk over to him. I lean over and whisper into his ear, "Want me to do something even more embarrassing?"

He stumbles backwards and falls.

I get on the floor and crawl over to him. "Well? What do you say?"

"...O-Okay..."

Thank you, God!

Pounce!

* * *

POV: Me!

Gosh! Where is he!? Dammi- Oh! There he is!

"Kyouya! Hey!"

"Hello, Rem. Is there something that you need?"

"Yes! I can't seem to find any clean clothes. Where are they?"

"Did you check on the top shelf in the wardrobe?"

"...No."

"Then you might want to do that."

"I hate you."

Then I walk away. ...He's so mean...

* * *

POV SWITCH: Hikaru!

"Hah~ H-Hikaru!" Kaoru moans.

I remove my fingers from his anus, and kiss him.

"Are you ready for the real thing?" I whisper.

He lets out a moan and nods his head furiously.

I lean him over the stool as if it were a bed of some sort and take hold of his sides. I push inside and am enveloped in heat.

We both moan out as we both get adjusted to each other. It really has been too long since we've last done this.

Once Kaoru gives me the 'okay', I thrust my hips a little and start a rhythm that we could both enjoy.

"Hikaru! Faster! More! Please!"

And of course, I'm eager to do just that. Hearing his wanton moans begin to drive me over the edge and, by the feels of it, Kaoru's about done too.

"I'm gonna cum, Kaoru!"

Kaoru is too lost in the ecstasy to reply, but he gives me a nod as a sign that he is about to as well.

Fuck!

We both moan as we ride out our orgasms together.

I roll off of him and lie on the floor.

"Well. I see I missed a lot."

I look up and...just like I thought...Rem was standing there smiling.

"Have fun?"

"Hell yeah." I say.

"Well. I found the clothes. So when you're ready, come get dressed. The party's not as fun without you two."

* * *

POV: ME!

I then left the two to clean themselves up. I'm still a tad bit sad that I didn't get to see it go down, but there'll be more opportunities in the future. A LOT of opportunities. After all, this IS my average day as host.


End file.
